loungesong

Here I am on day 2.  I’ll give myself a “B” for yesterday.  Breakfast: 1 cup steel cut oats w/a 1/2 cup cut fruit.  Lunch:  1 1/2 cup Minnestrone soup and green salad with a sliced chicken breast.  Dinner: 1 skinless chicken breast 1 skinless chicken thigh.  Salad w/ Lettuce, heirloom tomoato, onion, w/ 200 cals in yogurt and pesto.  Dessert: 1 cup nonfat greek yogurt and 6 strawberries.

Had a little too much chicken with dinner but aside from that was a success.  This morning I ran about 4.5 very hilly miles…Garmin said about 800 calories burned so I’m feeling good.  Eating out lunch today, will get some kind of chicken salad.

Going to a concert tonight.  Will only have 2 light beers.

I weighed myself at 10 lbs less than 2 days ago, just the bloat leaving the body!

Not my first and I hope my last.  Blood Pressure was borderline high and I haven’t gotten my lipid panel yet but I’m sure it’s not great.  I’m at my heaviest in 10 years.  I went to a spin class this morning and then an abs class…obliques really cramped up.  Not feeling very good about things but the first few days are hard.  Running is an absolute bear.  I’m 35, I won’t live long like this.

I’ve been on the eating wagon for about 10 days or so now and I can already see that it is going to be a challenge during the holidays.  At least exercise is easier since the work load is a bit less this time of year.  Even though I’ve lost 6 lbs, I really only consider it 2 since the first four was probably my bloated binge weeekend and hangover.

I used to really enjoy going to the gym.  I still know quite a few people when I go in the morning, but for some reason I’m finding all the cardio equipment boring.  So far I’ve done workouts on the elliptical, rowing machine, and bike.  All of them have been boring.

 On the other hand I really have been looking forward to running.  The group I used to run with runs at about a 7:30 pace for 5-7 miles on Tuesday and Thursday…I’m just not at that level, yet.  However my runs at home have been getting faster and longer…even though I have to run in the dark if I go after work.

Like I’ve commented on time and time before, eating like a normal human being (portion sizes I mean) has always been my challenge.  I never eat fast food and I’m not addicted to junk food.  I just eat too much of whatever is in front of me.  The business about your stomach shrinking after a few weeks is very true.  Some of the hunger I was having last week is gone, especially between lunch and dinner.  It just takes a reasonable eating pattern for me for a few weeks and I can’t imagine the lunches I was eating just a few weeks ago.

I’m a little concerned about my food intake judgement at holiday parties while I’m drinking.  I really enjoy putting down wine and having hors d’oerves.  Unfortunately that buzz can be murder on what I consider to be a “reasonable” indulgence…especially on dips, finger foods, and anti-pasta plates.  I have two tests this weekend, I just need to be aware and stick to light beer and 1/2 glasses of wine.

It really sucks that I use that term, “back on the wagon”.  However, it really is that way for me.  For whatever reason I’m either 100% sober, or 100% drunk.  I haven’t been sleeping well for the past few months.  It’s a combination of dangerous belly weight making me uncomfortable and lack of exercise which doesn’t allow the stress to go away.  I’ve eaten well the last three days and have gotten great exercise the last four days.

The good thing about the body is that it feels good after only a few days of doing right…so I’m feeling great today (nice and sore).  I need to make good choices.  It’s really is an hour by hour committment for me.

I’ve been on this site off an on for over a year.  This afternoon I’ve been cruising all kinds of forums, blogs, profiles trying to figure out what my problem is.  I’m not anything like you people, but I’m exactly the same.  When I’m not on this site, my weight is going up.  When I’m on the site, my weight is going down.

I consider myself active and athletic, yet in reality I only get exercise sporadically.  I’ve always been able to run.  5 miles, 10 miles, whatever, somehow I can do it.  I don’t know how.  Want to race?  I’m pretty damn quick.   Even when I’m 50 lbs overweight.  I naturally have big biceps.  My legs always have definition and I don’t have a lot of back fat.  But I hate seeing a picture of myself and my man boobs.  I have a fat face right now.

I’ve been 200 lbs and able to bench press 350 lbs.  I’ve run a marathon in under 4 hours.  I’ve run a mile in under 6 minutes.  I can’t do these things now, but inside I feel like the person that can.  However I feel like I’m losing that person.  This person is going to have a heart attack at 50.  This person has high blood pressure.

Sometimes I’m so stressed from work I can’t sleep.  I can hear my heart beating really loudly.  I don’t like having my blood pressure taken when I’m fat.  I don’t go to the Doctor when I’m fat.  I don’t go to the dentist when I’m fat.

I didn’t just have a baby.  I work a lot.  I don’t have any excuses.  I belong to a very fancy gym.  I like going but I hate getting in the car to go.  My wife works out every day but I don’t like spinning, yoga or going to her gym.  I’ve belonged to my gym for 10 years and know lots of people there.  She won’t join because it would be really expensive plus it’s not convenient for her.  It’s not very convenient for me anymore, either.  How does she make good choices when I make bad ones.  Sometimes at the same meal.

I’m not in denial, ever.  I just become a different person.  I’m always in denial.  When I’m eating right and exercising I’m a better person.

I AM ADDICTED TO FOOD.  I don’t sit at home eating bags of chips.  I don’t snack.  I don’t buy candy.  I don’t eat fast food.  I don’t order dessert.  I don’t eat like a pig.

I know a lot about nutrition.  I don’t believe in fad diets, Zone, or Atkins.  I haven’t tried them, either.  I believe in moderation.  I know how many calories are in everything.  I know how much sodium is in everything.  I know how much fat is in everything.  I read all the labels.  I eat like a pig.

I eat too fast.  I make wild rationalizations when I’m ordering in a restaurant like, “I’ll eat better tomorrow.”  I worry about what I’m going to eat on a trip in two weeks.  I worry about going to the garage to get another can of Oatmeal.  What will I do if I don’t have my oatmeal for the morning?

I put a lot of pressure on myself to eat well.  I’m not on a “diet”.  I’m always “dieting”.

People know when I’m fat and not fat.  People compliment me when I lose weight.  I got in the best shape of my life since high school in 2001.  I was a stud.  I could pull lots of chicks.  I put the weight back on slowly over 4 years.  I stayed fat for 2 years.  I lost most of it again, but this time I put it back on quickly.  I lost it again last year when I got married.

People don’t give me compliments when I’m fat.

We went to an all inclusive hotel for the honeymoon.  A 5 star one.  Very expensive.  I freaking ate and drank like an absolute pig.  Felt like I had to.  What the hell was I thinking?

On the honeymoon we worked out for at least 2 hours a day, everyday.  I drank until I puked, twice.  We had a really good time.

I don’t want to go back.

I make a ton of rules as to what I will eat every day.  When I break them I say to myself I’ll start tomorrow.  I had chicken soup for lunch today from a Vietnamese restaurant.  I know it was a good choice.  I feel very guilty.

You have to eat.  Food is the enemy.  Alcoholics don’t need booze.  No one needs heroin.  You can’t give up food cold turkey.  You have to eat.  I want to write a book called “You Have to Eat”.

I could be in great shape and feel great if someone would cook every meal for me.  That didn’t work for Oprah, did it?  I’m glad she got fat again.  Makes me feel like I’m not that screwed up. 

If Oprah can’t be healthy, how the hell am I supposed to stay healthy?

I know how to lose weight.  I can’t maintain it when I get there.  I shouldn’t even try since I’ll be back here again.

I’m not even that fat.  I can still run 10 miles.  I can do 100 push ups.  My back hurts.

I’M STARVING.  I’m not even hungry.  Coffee makes me not eat.  Tea is better for me.  Coffee makes me not sleep.  Coffee has no calories.  I have to stop using the Half and Half at Peet’s.

What am I going to have for dinner?  What am I going to have for dinner?

Is it dinnertime?  I’m not hungry.  I like ice cream.  I eat low fat and sugar free.  I NEVER eat Haagen Daaz.  I NEVER eat McDonalds.  I eat burritos.  I eat the fat on a steak sometimes.  ORDER THE FILET.  The filet is not that big.

Why do I get the Carnitas Burrito sometimes?

I hope you read this blog.

I made it away for the weekend to Lake Tahoe for two days of skiing, gambling, and fun with some friends.  Having just started a major reality check for my WOE a week earlier I was nervous about eating out all weekend with access to lots of bad habits and unlimited booze.

It started on the way up there with two others in the car that wanted to get something “fast”.  Even though I had put some weight back on in 2008 I really haven’t eaten fast food regularly in almost 10 years.  They wanted Taco Bell.  I had two Chicken Soft tacos and a diet Pepsi which I was happy with (so was my stomach).

Before skiing I ordered a large egg white vegi scramble and a bowl of oatmeal from room service.  I drank from my Camelbak all day and just had a Balance bar for lunch.  When we got back to the hotel I had chicken cesar salad with a small spoon of dressing and some soup.  I was very happy.  At dinner I had a small sized filet mignon with some ahi tuna.  No dessert.

I limited myself to Guiness all weekend, forcing myself to alwasy drink a bottle of water between them.  This really worked as I didn’t get that buzzed and I couldn’t just down them like I usually do.

All and all I was very happy with the trip and the choices I made.   We ended up only skiing one day as there is very little snow, but I sure wished I was 214 instead of 233!

I know I’m a poster child for what NOT to do…I lost 40 lbs from Jan-May 2008, and then slowly put 20 of it back on…

The good news is that I’m back on track and feel great.  I’ve already dumped a few since the beginning of the year.  I have the support of my new wife.

My personal problem with maintenance is what to do after a a “bad” run of eating from a vacation, change in work load,  etc.  It’s almost like an alcoholic that slips after six months of sobriety and then immediately gives up and starts drinking again.  This happened to me on my honeymoon at an all-inclusive resort: drank and ate like a glutton.

We have to eat, so I have to stand fast when I eat badl for a few days and get back on track.

I’m totally motivated and already feel 100% better than I did the last week of 2008!

Just took it this morning…I really wanted to see if the weight came off in my face as well as my beer belly!  Another 15 lbs to goal!

April was a rocky month…I was under the weather for almost two weeks and exercise was almost non-existent for 30 days.  Good news is I got back on the horse, dropped a few pounds and beat out my 3rd mini goal.  I’m zeroing in on my goal weight of 200.I’ve definitely loosened up on my diet, especially on weekends, but I’m trying to find a happy medium that is compatible with my lifestyle.  I know for me the key is a good sized healthy breakfast and a sensible lunch.  On days that I exercise I definitely feel less hungry, especially if the workout is after work (which I don’t prefer).  My rule of thumb when eating out is to splurge only when the food is fantastic.  If we’re eating out just to eat, then I go as healthy as possible.Yesterday I ran to the beach and back (about 11 miles) with an average pace of 9:30 min/mile.  I was really happy with this since it’s is virtually all uphill the way back and it was in the 80s (rare for
San Francisco).I’ve had to replace all of my pants, going from a size 40 to almost a 36.  I dropped off 2 bags of clothes at Goodwill today which was a great feeling.  I should be within 5 lbs of my goal weight by my wedding in 10 weeks.

The last month has not been very diet-ey.  I’ve had numerous trips, some of which included eating out rich meals, drinking way too much, etc.  Then I got a bad cold which I still haven’t completely shaken after 2 weeks!  Thankfully I’ve been on track the past week and am still losing weight, albeit nowhere as fast as I was at the beginning of the year.

My fitness goals took a few steps back during my cold.  I really haven’t run in almost two weeks because of this horrible cough that came back again last night.  I can’t take really deep breaths without a coughing fit.

I did some clothes shopping last night as most of my pants are too baggy.  Although I’ve lost 3 inches (40 lbs) in my waist, I was actually hoping for another inch.  I’m at about a 37″ waist in dress slacks, but a 36″ in Jeans.

My last plateau was a bummer.  I’m not completely sure I’m through it.  I will weigh in at 218 one morning, and then 224 the next.  I’m being very vigilant on my eating this week as I have another Vegas trip this weekend that I need to “Save up for”.  Bottom line, things are going well.

I watched about half of the episodes of “The Biggest Loser” this season.  These people have achieved some amazing results.  However, for me to have gone on that show and win I would have to end up weighing 139 lbs.  At 6′2″ and a large build there’s no way I could weigh that little.  I wouldn’t have hardly any muscle mass at all at that weight.  You have to be a relatively “skinny” frame person that is horribly obese to win at that game.  Roger who is obvioulsy a big guy had to go through all of his muscle to achieve his results he got.  Granted, I think he was over 400 lbs to start.  I wonder how they pick the contestants so that it is fair?